That wonderful blue .

I imply no naivety no element of hysteria or delusion .
What I wrote about was how adversity can leave you bereft or enriched . I do feel that we can be energized or surprised by life and that stoicism mistimed can be stodge .
 There is a deeper wisdom for those with sharp vision and an open mind .
I think this chimed with some readers and not so much with others .
I have quoted Phillip Pullman before who said that you can't pick up a piece of wood with a magnate . Anyway to other matters ...

We , who don't get our deliveries queue at a distance and are exasperated or tickled by others stance on how to shop .
I have made a remark to a queue jumper and I have been exasperated by people dithering at the shelves .
I had to smile at myself though .
An expected ingredient was missing so I made a quick mental calculation about a reasonable substitute and put it in the trolley . I turned and saw someone patiently waiting for their turn at the shelf .

I thanked them and thought  ,  don't use the term ditherer if  you may be deliberating about your choice ,  what is the difference between the perceived ditherer   (see what I did there )   and your good self .
The answer is of course is bugger all .
We are all human and that made me smile too .  Are there people who think they are not ? Well that makes me smile as well .

So we drove away and I said " can you stop please ".
The saxophonist pulled in at the side of an empty country road and we opened the doors to solitary fresh air and silence .

Little by little though , a cacophony arose .
 I looked up and in the hedge and tree above it fluttering , singing and shouting were a flock of newly fledged blue tits .
Their  heads were that wonderful blue and their tiny chests were part yellow already . They were not afraid . They hopped , shouted and sung about  white clouds  , green leaves , their beauty , my beauty .....  oh and your beauty too .

Celebrate what remains .
 Savour all the small pleasures and satisfactions .

Oh and remember the baby blue tits think you're beautiful .

Query .

I was trying to think where in human history there was a parallel for our current malaise .

When pestilence or plague came before we did not know enough to keep apart .
Yes , a mark would be put on the door of an infected house and people wore masks when moving bodies . This would be regional , localized if you like , it wasn't comprehensive .

Individuals have been put in quarantine or isolation wards . Individuals have been " sent to Coventry ". Again this was specific to a small group or an individual .

Wars and famines have made some things hard to get or unobtainable . The places that dealt in the various commodities diversified or just painted from a more limited palette so to speak .

So now when streets are silent and shops shut what do we reference ?
 In the last war people came together at the pub , the pictures , in churches and canteens . So we must try a bit of lateral thinking ( aside from social media ) to make all of this workable and in some ways palatable .
 Pandora's box is already open and we don't have the mind set of a medieval man .

Some talk of this being a deserved reckoning for too many imports , global warming ,pollution  and the dubious merits of some plastics .

I think you need a cruel god or people who think accusation or recrimination useful to make that work .

So in this is uncharted territory will new ideas emerge ?

There are people who's lives have changed for good and people whose lives have not had to alter very much at all .

It's a given that all can be more kind , more thoughtful - human beings do that sometimes .

What I want to know is if this shit storm can ultimately give us something back from all it is taking .

Is this heresy and if so  is it a good heresy ?

A slapdash rainbow .

As I go to buy groceries I pass houses with pieces of paper taped to the front window .

They are all children's drawings of a rainbow .
Some are very precise , great effort has been made to keep the lines of colour properly delineated.

Others are by a smaller hand and consequently more in the spirit of drawing a rainbow rather than capturing something more technical .

I passed a house standing on it's own and in a bedroom window was another large rainbow .

Whoever had painted it had clearly wanted to make their own symbol of hope ( as they all are ) .
The young would be artist had clearly had trouble with his brush , the paint on offer and , rather obviously , the water provided to rinse his brush in .

Quite frankly the thing wasn't very good. It wouldn't win any prizes .
However , you could see what it was supposed to be and you could see that our young artist had , perhaps rather over enthusiastically , given it his best shot .

My wish for anyone who might read this that they may have a slapdash rainbow in their heart tonight .

Ginger .

When we need to shop we stay out of the town and go to  big supermarket set alone and with a big car park . Seems sensible , just us in out little metal box ( car ) keeping a good distance from all . We pick a time when it's likely to be quiet and all is well .
Especially well when , driving out of town , I spy my first cowslip of the year . Little proud numbers . Hope from root to lemony bloom .

The supermarket , well that changes each time you go .
I began by going with a shopping list and , like us all , quickly wised up .
I don't do a shopping list anymore . I do a wish list .
If that turns out to be a trip to fantasy island I , then , think what I could make from what's there - like we all do .
 How lovely though when you can get a versatile basic staple .
 It's getting better each time you go .
Even so , the Saxophonist went shopplng the other day . He came back and produced something from his shopping bag . It was a pound of mince .
I nearly wet my knickers !!

I'm enjoying adverts at the moment . You can't get any of it so it's become a sort of porn I s'pose . In reality I don't really need or want these things but that doesn't matter .
I can go theoretical shopping without limits - just go wild .
This week , for instance , I have bought five cars and I don't even drive .
I'm also in for five bottles of scent . As they are all theoretical I can put them all on at once and not worry that I shall be followed by a posse of half crazed household pets . I could gargle with the blessed stuff .
Of course theoretical purchase has it's limits . I have eyed up that nice looking black guy on the furniture advert . I mean , fair enough , but where would I put him and he might want to work his way through the ginger cake I've just made .
No better to leave him bouncing on his sofa .

Got an e mail to say Jamie Oliver has rushed through a TV series that's currently airing early evening on channel four . It's for helping non cooks make something to eat and for the rest of us a few ideas about workable alternatives and variations when our " wish lists " come up short .
I stoically watch what Boris has to say every night but the Jamie Oliver has moved me to tears every night . He says " come on , we can do this ". I believe him to be sincere .
He says  " we are all in this together ". We are .
In my heart of hearts I believe we shall get through this and with some unexpected gains , finding ourselves to be much more resilient and self sufficient than we imagined .

I have no soap box here but if you are sitting on your own reading this , close your eyes and have a slice of fiery ginger cake and a good strong mug of tea with me .

Water is immortal .

Went miles out today , to a seascape .

I looked at the water and thought " you have seen everything . Choppy or becalmed  , you have been witness to loss and gain , defeat and victory over and over again .

I thought we would be all but alone out there but we weren't .

Woolly hatted and carrying a thermos ,  people came . People of all ages , classes and types . One group had fold up chairs and a wind break on the shingle .

I looked at the sea again and , beautiful as it was today , I thought  "you aren't the only one . Whether it's oxtail or Nescafe in the Thermos , metaphorically speaking , it's clear that the human spirit is immortal , it carries us forward , tenacious , alive to beauty , alert to common sense ."

Neither the Telegraph nor the Guardian with  all their stats , commentators and editorials can fathom how powerful , and moving , it was , in spite of all , to see somebody hammer in a windbreak on the shingle today.

Arriving .

Because we could we took on the weather .
 All the batten down the hatches days since Christmas and others as well . There we have been , out in the landscape .

On Sunday , as the storm whirled away ,  we slid by highway and mostly byway to a seascape .

The choppy sea jumped and sloshed , jumped and sloshed . Cormorants scud the sky to hidden havens . We each ate a thoughtful ham sandwich .

I said that the sky , being apricot , sky blue and charcoal grey ,  would make me a lovely dress in swishy satin and rough silk . The saxophonist agreed .

Back at home , either side of the table , we cupped big mugs of steaming tea .
 I said "Glorious though it is , do you want to do that anymore ? "
"No " said the saxophonist .
"Me neither " I said .

We realized we had no need to do it anymore . We have moved on .

This morning I rolled over with intent .
"Yes " said the saxophonist .

Sometimes the destination is right where you are .

December the 25th .

The saxophonist picked up the Christmas cards from the mat on Wednesday and reappeared in the bedroom . " Look " he said . I looked .

It was his new driving licence .
The slow admin at the consultants office had meant that we had forecast about March .

He took a speculative look on the net . There was his ideal car at the right price at a garage that was fairly near us . He test drove it .

Christmas eve morning we drove it away from the garage .

I had the turkey crown , sprouts etc , etc ready for Christmas day .

This morning , however , I rose early , had a shower and sat wet haired at the table sipping a steaming mug of strong tea .
The saxophonist joined me . There was a very brief and very happy discussion .

I packed corned beef sandwiches , some cheese , some tomatoes . I added Coxes apples and a fiery ginger cake I'd made . The saxophonist boiled the kettle and packed good coffee and some milk .

We stood on a sunny beach . I cried , he grinned and we knew this journey of a years flight from the bad time and the illness was over .
I held him very tight and he held me very tight .

I hope you had a happy Christmas .
We did .