Clarity .

A euphoric five weeks . Almost as if we were snow bound . Every time there is heavy snow the papers carry pictures of people tobogganing on legitimately stolen week day time . It's felt a bit like that .
Lots of simple pleasures rediscovered and the leisure to savour them . Wandering out into the garden , reading new authors , baking bread . Civilised sensibilities . Leisured little luxuries .

The odd thing has been some people's reactions .We are independent by nature but people make a point of offering shopping or errand duties .Both we politely declined .
Others though promised outings - these were harder to turn down . We knew they could not be the same as if we were just we two but why not go for the journey and the landscape .

Why do people offer and then fail to ring up or turn up as they had said . I don't get that .

Why when you offer lunch do they mess you about and not rule themselves in or out of numbers to cook for ?

I have looked at us with a beady eye to see if we are to blame or we ask  for it in some way. No , there's nothing .

Today we did some editing / desilting / early spring cleaning at home .Amongst the papers stuffed in a pile and just left there were the saxophonists discharge details copied to us and his GP .
I looked at them with calm curiosity now the storm has blown out .

I know now why they put me in a police car to follow the ambulance saying this would be best .

I sat amongst the spring cleaning crying about what I was learning .
He was dead for twenty five minutes and they had to "shock" him four times to bring him back .I read it out to the saxophonist.
I , we are getting our heads round this new information and new clarity . For all that happened I find what I have newly read profoundly shocking .

I know though what I shall say when that "person "offers us something , anything .I shall say "oh thank you but we are OK ."

And we are , we are . I am crying as I type this  . We are OK . More OK than I can say .