Defiant chameleon .

A couple of years back there was a death in the family . The sort that isn't just the end of an era but the end of something bigger .
 Some people close life down as they get older . They stop seeing and listening . So I guess in their eyes you are the you you were thirty years ago .
 All the stuff that built you and changed you didn't happen for them . There you are before the achievements , without experience and those scars .

So when it happened I needed a bit of space where I thought about something else . The funeral arrangements , paperwork and all the rest that comes at such a time .
We drove to a lively town we like and had a big fat lunch . Then went for a wander round the shops .

Heading round a corner I spotted a new shop . It was pure luxury. Warm , smelt delicious and had rows and rows of jewel like jars , bottles and tubes .
A fancy makeup shop .Seductive balm as I  thought about who I was now .
Now that no one could make me feel that callow girl anymore .

I don't always wear makeup . Think scandanavian minimalism , pared back , stark - you get the picture .
Now, though ,I took one of their little baskets and I bought all the people I wanted to try on .

I bought a lipstick so that I could be the scarlet harlot .
I bought liner and mascara so that I could be left bank .
I bought flame coloured eye shadow so that I could vamp my way into a party .
I bought brushes and rouge so that I could be haughty and aloof with high , high cheekbones .
In short I spent a lot of money and I loved it .

Another day another visit .  Polish for turquoise toe nails .
Another visit for cherry lipped kissing at Christmas .

It was too cold to go where we intended today so we went back to that town again .
 After another big fat lunch , fugitives from the snow , we hit the shopping centre .

Of course I went to "my" shop . Of course I filled up a little basket  . Little boxes and phials to savour later .
I was the only one in the shop and the girls chatted as I browsed . "We are not supposed to say but this branch is shutting in a fortnight ".

I wished them well and left with my shiny stash . I felt sad that the happy habit would end .

Then I realised something .
I have moved on , imperceptibly , in these two years . I have grown - evolved if you like .
I am not a defiant chameleon .
I am happy in my own skin .
Of course I'll paint my eyes from time to time or put on a saucy red lipstick  some Saturday night . But I am glad to realise that is all it is now .

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lipsticks for sale . All colours available .