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Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Further to my last post ...........

The crows and rooks are spread out across a sunny field as if they are out for a days metal detecting.

The dark conifers stand out in the wood like tower blocks amongst the green green dwellings and   newly coming leaves of the oaks and horse chestnuts.

Everything is slowly being saturated in sunlight. If I had a bar of soap I could wash in it. It is plentifully generous.

Suddenly cherry blossom is not sagging and drab. It bounces on the branches - maribou and plume. Puffed up posies jumping and jostling in the sun streaked warm breeze.

There is nothing that isn't more cheerful in this sunshine.You could look in the backs of cupboards and in remote and obscure small zoo's. In both cases everything you found would be cheerful. Fact.

The sun shouts about how it will bring elderberry and blackberry to come to be. How it will grow and harden nut shells and make apples swell pregnant with promise.

You think I'm a bit tipsy on the warmth and the sunlight ?
Let me tell you ( quite sternly ) that today is perfect English spring time and I'm inebriated, paralytic, sozzled, intoxicated on it.
Excuse me while I wipe my mouth on my hand and take another swig.

Monday, 30 April 2018

Horses and silk slips.

You might have seen a small figure in a large grey duffel coat and a small grey bowler hat scurrying along or you might have missed her .She did not linger.
I would say no one lingers in this cold but there is no one about.
All is silent as Christmas day .

Even the seabirds and sparrows are missing .

In the chilly gloom wisteria blossoms hang like icicles.

Put something down and it's almost painful to pick up .The cold has drawn inside it .
The same with your clothes .Back in the car. In a fold of the fabric you are wearing lurks an icy slice of cold. As you move it does too. Lurking and lingering before surprising you with an extra small slap of sub zero as you start to relax .

Each horse in the field stands waiting.
The trouble is that we have all been waiting  so long we are not even clear on what we are wait for.

Amongst the post this morning was a brochure of jaunty summer skirts ,silk slips and sandals - give them to a horse I don't want them.

But I do and you do. We want to sit companionably bare legged, clinking the ice in our glasses.
The Egyptians worshipped (amongst others ) a sun god. I'm not saying they were right or wrong, I'm just saying.

Sunday, 29 April 2018

Footless fishnets and backless boots .

Went out last night.Felt like dressing up .
Wore a classic dress and then ,obviously , embellished a bit .
Footless fishnets ,bare feet and backless boots - these are cowboy boots with the silver triangular tips to the straps at the back over bare heels .Shouldn't work ,but does .

I am not so much on the makeup but from time to time I'll play everything down and wear orange eye shadow .Should't work ,but does .
 No clown effect but a bit of languid sultry .

Also , its never what you anticipate will have an effect which actually does .
Again , recently, I and the saxophonist went out on the spur of the moment and I slapped on a trench and fedora . ( see previous post : Happily wrong -14/02/18).
There was a guy coming out for a cigarette as I walked in . I stood back.
 ( I am all about the equal opportunities plus I like wrong footing / disconcerting some people ) .
As I say ,I stood back and he came through ,bright red , and thanked me as if I had just saved his life .
I went deaf and kept on walking .I think it's the fedora .Should that work ?

Of course its a two way street .
The first time I clapped eyes on the saxophonist ( he did not see me ,he was on stage ).My face went bright red ,I began to sweat and my stomach turned into a washing machine on full spin  .
Obviously I got out straightway and made a pact with myself ,vowing that I would make sure that I never set eyes on that man again .I did not want anyone having that effect on me again ever .

Also ,I am a faithful wife ,but if Edris Elba asked me for a dance I would empty my mind and let my limbs go with the music .Mind ,just for the time it took the song to unravel ...... but still ......

The mystery of what Evelyn Waugh called " the bat squeak of sexuality " and Prince called (amongst other things ) "getting down " .
The delight  of inexplicable , unexpected , excitement .

Thursday, 12 April 2018

Of weather and courage .

Bloated , saturated , water oozing from every orifice : eyes , arse and everywhere in between .The landscape is drunk on water .

Its Falstaff , its the fat boy of Dingley dell in the Pickwick papers .
Collar undone , belt undone , still it's fat with water . No sluish gate  , no lock and certainly no man with a broom will make a difference .

Two  young Canada geese , cocky and sarky come up from the estuary .They start  along the grass parallel to the path .
On the path trendy hikers and the determinedly middle class walk wet in the expensive attire that style forgot .
The two geese wink at me and start to strut mimicking the pretensions on the path .

Many years ago ,being reckless , I walked into the newly opened hairdressers .
There stood a tall , big boned Asian man . I sat down and told him I wanted "different " and "bold". He wanted to know how much courage I had got .
I told him.
He said he hoped I was as excited as he was. Then he cut my long , long hair . And then he cut some more and shaved some more .
I stood up again with just peach fuzz on my head .We were both excited and I walked away to turn heads .

The rain is never far away . Get half way down the hill and you are sodden before you start your day .
Tired of the relentless weather . Tired of being tired I sit at the table and remember livelier times . I reach over and put the phone on the table . I sit silent listening to the rain . I have the phone number but do I have the courage ?
I ring and he answers . So I summon what courage I can and and I and my long hair go out .
I remind him of that spectacular cut .We both smile broadly .
He cuts .

So I sit here ,  late at night , listening to fresh music and drinking sappy green wine .
He cut , we hugged and the saxophonist says I look like a confident woman .

And I am  - me and my short shock of fire cracker hair .

Tuesday, 27 February 2018

Sin in a tin .

I have narrowed it down to just three cookery books , the back catalogue in my head and one in the post . I have bought in the few herbs , spices and oddments that the books suggest and I don't have .

ME: I am the model of efficiency ! A role model to you all ! Aren't you jealous of my competence and the clarity of my vision of the year ?

YOU: Are you on something ?

ME: I don't know what you mean !

YOU: Well , for a start what is that lump on your head ?

ME: Nothing .

YOU: Just a minute there's bruising too .

ME: No there's not .

YOU: YES THERE IS ! Someone has lumped you one - probably for being such a know all . YES , somebody has definitely taken a swing at .....

ME: It was a tin , closely followed by a kilner jar - happy now ?

YOU: What ! You know people who routinely sling tins at you and don't mind lobbing a jar to follow ?

ME: Its a cupboard thing .

YOU: A what ?

Its a cupboard thing . New ingredients at the front in a little box , most likely staples behind .Any bulk buying is taken out and put elsewhere .
Anything I forgot I'd got and doubled up on comes out too . This happens several times what with having access to several good markets and having a wholesalers card  .
In the end there is literally no spare space in the kitchen cupboards and things are so stacked and shoved that things leap out at you if you open the cupboard doors too quickly.

YOU: Ah ! Now we are getting to the lump on the head . And what was that you said about competence and clarity of vision .

ME: Ease off or you will be sitting in the pub on your own tonight .

So there are also wicker baskets full of pasta , noodles , couscous and various flours . The cupboard in the dining room doesn't shut properly because

YOU: Dear God ! How much stuff do you have ? Are you expecting the apocalypse or do you just have a compulsive hoarder thing going on ?

ME: No . Neither .It's just keeping a good table and knowing a real bargain when you see it .

YOU: Oh well .

ME: God , I wish I was a catholic at the moment .

YOU: Why !!!

ME: Well , you get to go to confession and they say  you feel better then.

YOU: OK , we don't want all this coming out in the pub . So what do you want to confess about ?

ME: Tinned tomatoes .

YOU:  Pardon . 
NO !   NO !   I heard you alright .  I'm just boggling about your answer .
Let me get this straight if you had been born to a Roman Catholic family you would be in the confessional right now pestering some poor priest about tinned tomatoes ?

ME: Well yes .

YOU: This has got to stop. Right here , right now - you hear me ?
And just for the record how many tins of tomatoes do you currently own ?

ME: Sixteen .

YOU: IS that it ? Are we done ?

ME: Well we could talk about tinned mackerel , chickpeas , bean sprouts ....

YOU: I don't know what to say to you ! Can't you just donate your spares to a food bank and we talk about something else ?

ME: Yes but the guilt and the feeling that I must have knocked back a stupid pill .

Isn't there anybody else out there with illogical spare , a stash or  emergency supplies  ?
Come on make me feel better - there's a tin of tomatoes in it .

Monday, 26 February 2018

Defiant chameleon .

A couple of years back there was a death in the family . The sort that isn't just the end of an era but the end of something bigger .
 Some people close life down as they get older . They stop seeing and listening . So I guess in their eyes you are the you you were thirty years ago .
 All the stuff that built you and changed you didn't happen for them . There you are before the achievements , without experience and those scars .

So when it happened I needed a bit of space where I thought about something else . The funeral arrangements , paperwork and all the rest that comes at such a time .
We drove to a lively town we like and had a big fat lunch . Then went for a wander round the shops .

Heading round a corner I spotted a new shop . It was pure luxury. Warm , smelt delicious and had rows and rows of jewel like jars , bottles and tubes .
A fancy makeup shop .Seductive balm as I  thought about who I was now .
Now that no one could make me feel that callow girl anymore .

I don't always wear makeup . Think scandanavian minimalism , pared back , stark - you get the picture .
Now, though ,I took one of their little baskets and I bought all the people I wanted to try on .

I bought a lipstick so that I could be the scarlet harlot .
I bought liner and mascara so that I could be left bank .
I bought flame coloured eye shadow so that I could vamp my way into a party .
I bought brushes and rouge so that I could be haughty and aloof with high , high cheekbones .
In short I spent a lot of money and I loved it .

Another day another visit .  Polish for turquoise toe nails .
Another visit for cherry lipped kissing at Christmas .

It was too cold to go where we intended today so we went back to that town again .
 After another big fat lunch , fugitives from the snow , we hit the shopping centre .

Of course I went to "my" shop . Of course I filled up a little basket  . Little boxes and phials to savour later .
I was the only one in the shop and the girls chatted as I browsed . "We are not supposed to say but this branch is shutting in a fortnight ".

I wished them well and left with my shiny stash . I felt sad that the happy habit would end .

Then I realised something .
I have moved on , imperceptibly , in these two years . I have grown - evolved if you like .
I am not a defiant chameleon .
I am happy in my own skin .
Of course I'll paint my eyes from time to time or put on a saucy red lipstick  some Saturday night . But I am glad to realise that is all it is now .

lipsticks for sale . All colours available .

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Uninhibited with the mustard .

Written Tuesday 13/2

There are seagulls in the white sky . In pairs and singly , their movement is what you see , stark against an opaque background. They look like  olympic ice dancers gliding , soaring , lost in the momentum and their own beauty .
Perhaps they are celebrating the year opening up a bit . I know how they feel .

Sunday found us walking on the beach . Down near the shore line , delighting in the light and the relative warmth .

Yesterday far out along the hythe . Hibernation halted , the estuary mud had the dull gleam of old pitted metal .

Today , the seagulls arrogance - they need no judge  , they already know they all have the perfect ten . And us ?
Heading to the harbour as I write this . Smug in the knowledge that there is a big fat pork pie in the boot to eat in greedy gulps when we get there . Pass the mustard .

Wednesday 14th 

Today I did it again . We did it again .
Its like being sated and rolling away from a much loved lover and rolling straight back and doing it again . 
The seductive landscape is indeed seductive . It's only February and , already , we are entranced .

That's not pretentious or precious .
 There are other people , all ages , both sexes . Away from the shops , away from  the crowds . 
A solitary individual will spot you and grin like a long lost friend .

 It's like we are all in the nightclub , a track comes on and we all get up with no thought , only compulsion , and dance . Uninhibited .