Stranger on the shore .

Went blond again last night . Went to see some Edward Bawden and some Eric Ravilious today .

I had the need to mark my territory again . It's been a while since I was in a gallery . It always washes me clean and reinforces my values about what matters in life .

I needed to get to the way I generally look too . Lately I have been staid with brown hair . Staid for me that is .With some people it looks luscious , for me it always feels like the party is in the next room .

What's my point ?
Well we are now nine weeks into being without a car . We have made great swathes of progress and moved on . Yes, I can see how far we have come .
 However , I woke up several mornings this week with the sun shining in a huge arch over the day .
 I felt like a traitor and an ungrateful traitor at that . I wanted to throw on my linen dress and strap on my sandals and run towards an ocean .

If I cannot do that then I need to say to myself that I am all that I ever was and that the beach will keep. I need to feel good about the way I look . I need the consolations , excitement and joy of great art .

This life is so different. There is so much of it that is good . I have great gratitude that we can share it and I am now on my way to not being hair trigger about the saxophonist .

This life is so different and is gradually getting worn in so that it feels like a favourite old coat and not a stiff new one .

The feeling I'm trying to pin down is this .
 It's as if I am strolling down the street and suddenly see that old lover . Forbidden fruit if you like . And , and just for a few seconds I picture myself languorous and naked in his arms .

I am faithful to the saxophonist and always have been but if I was going to have an affair it would be with a deserted stormy beach .