Part way through the evening and we have both finished what we were doing.Stroll,chat,couple of pints then.There's a couple of things to go in the bin on the way out .There is a haggis I defrosted and forgot.I pick it up and stand thoughtful.It's a shame to waste it even if it is "off".Then I recall something and grin to myself.
It was last winter and after a day indoors an invigorating walk and a pint was mooted.The chosen route came close to the fish and chip shop.
Someone had bought some supper and decided to eat it on the way home.Whoever it was had tripped or slipped or so I gathered.For there was a polystyrene tray,across the whole path a portion of chips and,oh dear,an untouched jumbo battered sausage.
The disappointed purchaser had evidently lost heart(as well as his supper) and simply walked off.I stood thoughtful."Come on" said my companion"times getting on."
We walked on and then I said "You carry on ,I'll catch you up".You see it had just registered with me that we had passed that expensive lingerie shop.
The window displays are always dressed with silky scanties,brief,lacy,provocative,sexy - you get the picture.In fact a hymn of praise to the female form.So I could bring the much needed masculine element to the display and give use and purpose to the jumbo battered sausage.
There was nobody about.The letter box was at ankle height.The flap opened easily enough so that I could balance the jumbo battered sausage half in and half out of the flap and thus give it a really good whack with the flat of my hand.
What happened next?Well predictable really.The trajectory was good and the GBS skidded a little on landing which helped with positioning it in a place of porky prominence.
The next time I walked past the shop there was a metal grill over the inside of the door with a built in metal postbox.
A bit of an over reaction?
Well ,if the proprietress, had ,mid morning ,emerged from the stock room and unexpectedly found herself in the window propelled there by a jumbo battered sausage...
Which of us could say how we might definitively tackle the aftermath.......
Better to leave the matter of the haggis for now I think.Be assured though.I have never been ten pin bowling and should have factored this in and obviously I now see that I should also have allowed for the fact that a haggis is,by the nature of things an ovoid and not a sphere.